Beyond the Bubble: Finding True Community as a Triplet Parent

My triplets were just a couple months old when I saw a couple pushing their twin toddler girls in a double stroller. My mom was watching the boys and I was out alone. I recognized the parents’ facial expressions immediately. Avoidant, and tired of the attention and comments their children often garnered.

I told them how cute their girls were and they thanked me. Ironically, their quick breaking of eye contact made me feel more seen than anything.

“We have triplets,” I said, and their eyes darted back to mine. From there, we had a very friendly conversation, and she even circled back to tell me that I’m “going to do great” before they left.

We each totally understood the weird feeling of being a bit of a spectacle in public. But because we connected, we could all feel the warmth of finding each other. Nobody asked questions from a place of sole curiosity and awe of novelty – but from what seemed like a place of support and solidarity. We all feel a little crazy and isolated sometimes. Sometimes you’re not physically lonely, but lonely in your thoughts, knowing that most people get to wonder and walk, while you are figuring it out and tiredly live to tell the tale.

I think it’s important to find people who understand you on a deep level. I also think it’s important to not live in an echo chamber, even if it means answering the same questions over and over. More-so, I think it’s important to avoid the assumption that the person across from you is in your way. That they don’t understand. That they’re your competition, or even a threat. Or dare I say it, a waste of your time.

I am so guilty of this flawed thought process, it’s not even funny. This way of thinking gives the illusion that we are protecting ourselves. It even juices up our pride. If I only spend time with my own problems, then they’re the biggest problems I know. If I connect with other people, our joys magnify, our gratitude increases, our empathy grows, our cynicism depletes, our guard goes down, and we all get more oxen to help drag the yolk of heartache. Even if the ox beside you could never fully understand.

“Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone?”

Ecclesiastes 4:11