When you get the shock of your life, your mind inevitably RACES.
“Do I need three of EVERYTHING?”
“Do I need to MOVE?”
“I’m not ready for ANY of this!”
Being prepared, or feeling “ready” helps us feel grounded, but most of us are never 100% ready. Drop your shoulders. Relax your jaw. Here are some things you absolutely do not need to rush.
That maternal feeling
It comes. The first several months can very easily feel like a job. If you can get help, ask for little pockets of time with each individual child. Maybe leave two at home with your spouse and go to the store or park with one, and rotate them. If you can get two of them to sleep or play independently, maybe you just need to hold one while you watch a TV show. I’d say month 4 was a huge turning point for myself.
While I was pregnant, I heard a woman say that she was the mom in the hospital bed praying that the maternal feeling would come, and it did. It made me feel less crazy for being so freaked out by such a bizarre first pregnancy.
It also might come in waves. When I heard the first cry, it kicked in. When I held them for the first time, I sobbed. It was beautiful. But there is still SO much to process. Taking care of premie newborns is HARD work. Carrying them and taking care of them is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s a rollercoaster, and that’s o-kay. It’s o-kay to feel resentful towards the work, especially when you didn’t even apply for the job. Turning to God in desperation is a MUST. He is our sustainer and He desires connection. Be honest with Him and trust that the bonding will come. It’s different for every mom.
Side note for the fathers, a lot of men start their relationships with babies after birth. You’re meeting a stranger… or three. They didn’t grow in your belly. Don’t feel bad for starting from square one on their birthday. My husband is obsessed with our boys, but that really blossomed after they came out of the womb.
Buying baby gear or clothes
The stroller and car seats were two of the first things to absolutely consume my mind as soon as we found out. Truth is, we had plenty of time to find what worked for us. I just WANTED to have it all planned out because I felt so out of control.
If you don’t have all three carseats by the second trimester, you’re in good company. Be as prepared as you can be, but focus on the bare necessities first before going overboard on the extras. You have enough on your plate… and plenty in your belly.
Additionally, your babies will likely spend some time in the NICU. So if you don’t have the nursery perfectly arranged by the time you arrive at the hospital, you probably have a little more time than you realize.
When you need it… Ask. For. Help.
Healing
This is one of the reasons that I’m grateful for the NICU. Most triplet moms have a c-section to heal from, and that is no joke. Not to mention, if you’re anything like me, the first trimester you were glued to the bed, couch, or hovering over a toilet. You can’t eat and all you can do is sleep. From there, it’s off to the races and everything hurts.
You are likely not going to be in tip-top shape after you have these babies. I used a wheel chair for my NICU visits for a couple weeks because I was so out of breath. At home, I would experience shortness of breath often. Even voice projection was a challenge. Do not rush your healing. It takes time.
Additionally, EMOTIONAL healing might be part of your postpartum experience. For many moms of multiples, there are parts that are traumatic. For myself, the first year has been a bit of a whiplash parade. It is healthy to recognize the beauty woven through the difficult. It’s both/and. Like I said, there is SO much to process.
You might be sitting on the couch months from now and realize, “Holy cow – that was insane!” or even, “Wow, that moment was so much more beautiful than I could appreciate in the moment.” Communicate with your loved ones, especially your spouse, and stay in constant connection with the Lord.
Lastly, pregnancy takes it out of you. New motherhood is a wild ride. The Lord has SO much grace for new parents. Take advantage of any free moments, even if it’s 30 seconds, to reconnect with God and your spouse throughout the day. Close your eyes to pray. Hug your spouse in the kitchen. Build those relationships up little by little and don’t feel horrible if it takes a while to “feel” solid again. Build those connecting habits back up little by little. You aren’t aiming for what you once were. You’re strengthening who you’re becoming. Whatever the stage you’re in, you can’t do it alone.
three in one 
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